after a month and a half of phone tag/the engineer avoiding or not returning my calls, he called last night and i answered…while at the ginger’s house. he had been bbming me and i told the ginger that if he called i needed to finally talk to him.
we bullshit chatted for about 5 minutes and then he asked me if something was wrong because i sounded upset. i went off on him, told him that the one thing that i had asked of him was that if he decided that he was over our situation to not just stop talking to me…and that he had promised that he would never do that. he seemed confused, said he didn’t know what i was talking about and that he had never stopped talking to me, which is why he had been returning my calls and leaving voicemails.
i told him i was done, that he had been stringing me along, and that i had already told him all of this and that it had been my reason for wanting to talk. he said he didn’t realize my need to talk to him was such a pressing matter and that if i really needed to talk to him then i should’ve called him incessantly every day. i told him that i shouldn’t have to do that, if i tell you i need to talk to you then you should stop giving me bullshit excuses as to how/why you’re so busy bc no one is that busy.
then he started saying something about how he wanted our relationship to stop being so sexual since we never started off as friends, which is why he hadn’t been bbming me or skyping with me and only calling. he said he wanted us to be involved in each other’s lives on a more intimate and less sexual level, and that he wanted to talk to me every week on the phone and that he was sorry that he didn’t communicate all of this to me until now. HE JUST ASSUMED that after i visited him that i KNEW that we weren’t going to be together any time soon and that we would be friends and work toward a relationship in the future…UMMMM WHAT????? how does someone assume something like that?
somewhere in the midst of him saying stuff about sexual bbming/skyping, i absolutely lost my shit…said how dare he whittle our relationship down to seem like nothing and that he better not even try to deny that he had feelings for me since he told me he loved me after 5 months of our long distance situation. he said he wasn’t trying to deny it and that i knew how he felt and still feels about me, but since we can’t be together that we need to start from the bottom and work toward the top, and that if he were in boston there would be no question that he would be with me every minute possible.
there was a lot of screaming and tearing up and the whole thing was basically a load of bullshit. i don’t believe him, i didn’t get to say half the things that i wanted to say because i kind of expected him to just say that we would never be together and that he was over it. at the end of the convo we small-talked and then i told him i had to go…all while in the hallway of the ginger’s apartment building.
when i got back inside, the ginger didn’t seem very happy. i asked him if he was mad at me, and he said no. i asked him if he wanted to know what happened, and he said not really, but i debriefed him anyway. then he said that he thought that i had already had the conversation with him a while ago, and that it was strange that we had been dating for two months and that if i still hadn’t had the conversation with him that i should’ve let it go because it made him feel like a rebound.
ughhh i felt like such a total asshole. but i told him i couldn’t let it go, because i don’t let people who treat me like shit get away with it whether it’s in a friendship or a relationship. i told him that the only way that i get closure when someone treats me like shit is to let that person know that they’re a fucking douchebag and make them feel like the biggest asshole on the planet for fucking with me. it was awkward for a bit, but i assured him that i wouldn’t be with him if i didn’t 100% want to be…he said he knew.
the rest of the night and this morning were normal, but i still feel like an asshole. thoughts on everything?
