update: the ginger
okay. i don’t know why i’ve been such a pansy about the whole situation, but i finally stood my ground.
the ginger showed up to meet JJ and me for lunch on friday, and he drove straight from the airport and arrived with a bouquet of flowers for me. he was totally normal at lunch, and JJ didn’t hate him..which is rare for her.
we went back to his place after lunch and made out for a while, then he told me he knew that he was being annoying the past two weeks. he said he felt like we had been hanging out for longer than we had, and it didn’t hit him that it had only been a week until a few days ago. he said he knew i had something on my mind and asked me to be honest with him.
i was so fucking awkward..my face was probably a mixture of wanting to cry, because i was thinking about how badly i wanted to be with the engineer, and wanting to vomit, because he basically knew that i had been holding a lot back from him.
i told him that we were moving too quickly, and that it made me uncomfortable. i told him that it was strange for me to go from using men like kleenex, to being in a pseudo long distance relationship for 6 months, to starting to see him. he chalked everything up to the fact that i haven’t been in an actual relationship, and said that he knew that i was uncomfortable with things and that we could slow down.
i also told him that i had feelings for the engineer, so it was strange to start something here and kind of have something going on in south carolina as well. he said he didn’t want to pressure me and that we were only hanging out and that we could just see how things panned out. he thanked me for being honest with him and said that if i ever started to think that we were a dead end, that i should tell him so that we both didn’t waste our time and so that someone didn’t get hurt.
well, shit. i feel a lot better now that all of that was cleared up. he said he would back off, so i think i’ll give it another week and see if he can actually do it. we had some okay drunk sex last night..and for the first time in our sleeping arrangement, i didn’t have to sleep in a ball of cuddled sweat, with both of my eyes open wondering what time i would leave the next day. he didn’t mind that i rolled over and he gave me as much distance as i needed.
and yet somehow, i still think that all of this is a lie on both of our parts. i feel like an asshole, but at least i’m an honest asshole.
