the engineer returns
i obviously didn’t believe him when he said he would call me/keep in contact…but i was fine with it, because everything with the ginger has been going really well.
and then the engineer started bbming me again…
at first it was awkward small talk, which lead me to believe it wouldn’t happen again. but then it was about an hour of bbming this past saturday, about two hours on sunday, and another two-three hours on tuesday.
the weekend conversations were pretty basic/friendly, as if i were talking to any other friend…but the tuesday conversation, well, much different.
he told me how he still thinks about me and jerks off to me (uhhh..what the FUCK?), then he asked me why i blocked access to private items on flickr and youtube that only he had access to. seriously? REALLY? why the fuck do you think i would do that? oh, maybe because you basically told me you wanted to bang random bitches and not be in a long-distance relationship because you crave success and selfishly want to throw away what we have for someone you can see each day!!!!!!
during the conversation i was really sarcastic and cracked a lot of jokes, didn’t play into anything he said, made fun of him and his success/how busy he was. at one point he was telling me how all he does is go to work, eat, jerk off, read, and sleep…and i said, hmm too bad..looks like a long distance relationship would’ve fit in perfectly with your schedule! must suck to sleep alone again.
i know i have to stop talking to him. i know i know! after tuesday i felt super guilty, because i know how much it would upset me if the ginger talked to his ex. he’s said he doesn’t care if we talk..but i know that he does. how do i stop myself? i’ve been rationalizing the situation by telling myself that i’ll stop when the ginger and i come to the conclusion that we love each other.
it’s great to know the engineer might be realizing what he misses, that’s like every girl’s dream..but the guilt! the fucking guilt! ugh! wisdom please?
