Take-Offs and Landings

"It took me a little while to discover.. wolves in sheep coats who pretend to be lovers men who lack..."

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 13:01:48 -0500

“It took me a little while to discover..
wolves in sheep coats who pretend to be lovers
men who lack conscience will even lie to themselves
a friend once said, and I found to be true
that everyday people, they lie to God too
so what makes you think that they won’t lie to you?”

GPOYW: when I wasn’t scarfing In N Out burger, or being...

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:26:15 -0500

GPOYW: when I wasn’t scarfing In N Out burger, or being forced to climb 70 degree incline hills, my tacky tourist side emerged!

true story:

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:17:00 -0500

i don’t know what made me think of this, but i used to write letters to a boy i had a crush on who left at the end of our freshmen year of college to serve his Mormon mission. we wrote every week for two years…HAND wrote and HAND mailed.

at the time, it was the sweetest piece of idealism i’d ever encountered. i couldn’t wait for him to get back, and each letter was another letter closer to him returning to school so we could be together (note: this didn’t stop me from my shenanigans with many a frat boy).

and then he came back and fucked everything up with reality and his new respect for Mormonism and his Korean culture..which lasted about three months until he was partying just as hard as he used to.

PS: he drinks and smokes and always did as a Mormon..that should’ve been a warning sign that he would be so unbelievably full of shit

Lauryn Hill - Tell Him

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:44:03 -0500

Lauryn Hill - Tell Him

boyfriend and i just got back from san fran

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:22:22 -0500

…wishing i could be back there right now

Photo

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:20:52 -0500

Contemporary black political leadership requires a shift away from the prophetic oratory of the past. Instead, a more universal approach is required in order to convince a diverse group of people who aren’t shackled and whipped that they have more in common than the consequences of their skin color.

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 09:29:06 -0500

denied

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 14:06:55 -0500

the engineer: i know, i've been replaced
me: yes, yes you have
the engineer: i see that
me: it's your own fault. you made your bed..
the engineer: yes i did

Photo

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 14:02:42 -0500

i look so good without you.

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 14:00:52 -0500

i look so good without you.

the engineer returns

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 10:24:00 -0400

i obviously didn’t believe him when he said he would call me/keep in contact…but i was fine with it, because everything with the ginger has been going really well.

and then the engineer started bbming me again…

at first it was awkward small talk, which lead me to believe it wouldn’t happen again. but then it was about an hour of bbming this past saturday, about two hours on sunday, and another two-three hours on tuesday.

the weekend conversations were pretty basic/friendly, as if i were talking to any other friend…but the tuesday conversation, well, much different.

he told me how he still thinks about me and jerks off to me (uhhh..what the FUCK?), then he asked me why i blocked access to private items on flickr and youtube that only he had access to. seriously? REALLY? why the fuck do you think i would do that? oh, maybe because you basically told me you wanted to bang random bitches and not be in a long-distance relationship because you crave success and selfishly want to throw away what we have for someone you can see each day!!!!!!

during the conversation i was really sarcastic and cracked a lot of jokes, didn’t play into anything he said, made fun of him and his success/how busy he was. at one point he was telling me how all he does is go to work, eat, jerk off, read, and sleep…and i said, hmm too bad..looks like a long distance relationship would’ve fit in perfectly with your schedule! must suck to sleep alone again.

i know i have to stop talking to him. i know i know! after tuesday i felt super guilty, because i know how much it would upset me if the ginger talked to his ex. he’s said he doesn’t care if we talk..but i know that he does. how do i stop myself? i’ve been rationalizing the situation by telling myself that i’ll stop when the ginger and i come to the conclusion that we love each other.

it’s great to know the engineer might be realizing what he misses, that’s like every girl’s dream..but the guilt! the fucking guilt! ugh! wisdom please?

Photo

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 10:05:06 -0400

i’d like to move the south end. like, right...

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 11:52:26 -0400

i’d like to move the south end. like, right now…preferably to shawmut street or rutland ave.

i had a nightmare that i was dating danny devito, and then i gave him head. i want to puke so hard right now.

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 09:03:22 -0400

what do we think this means…?

Erykah Badu on Def Poetry Jam “Make a million dollahs make...

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:39:25 -0400

Erykah Badu on Def Poetry Jam

“Make a million dollahs make a million mo, tax time come around still a n-gga po”

Facts

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:30:40 -0400

Some boys will never date you…EVER

Yet you will continue to hold onto the idea that maybe this time will be different, or that he isn’t really that bad, or that you won’t find someone better, or that he really does care about you but just isn’t ready/mature/has baggage/etc etc etc.

But the fact of the matter is that he will NEVER date you…because if he really wanted to date you, he WOULD be dating you RIGHT NOW.

Think about all of the time that you spend thinking about him, now realize that he spends about 1/8th of that time (or less) thinking about you…which, in reality, only averages out to the amount of time he spends thinking about you before he calls you for a “sleepover.”

There’s always someone else out there for you, but if you’re not willing to give up on being treated like a dog then you’ll always be stuck in the same pathetic situation that you are in.

Think about that…now think about how everyone else is wondering why the fuck you are torturing yourself to such a despicable degree. Go redeem yourself.

bedhead from another bed

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 10:12:13 -0400

bedhead from another bed

Colbie Caillat - Fallin For You I’ve been spending all my...

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 10:30:58 -0400

Colbie Caillat - Fallin For You

I’ve been spending all my time, just thinkin bout you. I don’t know what to do…I think I’m fallin for you.

the talk

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 10:11:00 -0400

after a month and a half of phone tag/the engineer avoiding or not returning my calls, he called last night and i answered…while at the ginger’s house. he had been bbming me and i told the ginger that if he called i needed to finally talk to him.

we bullshit chatted for about 5 minutes and then he asked me if something was wrong because i sounded upset. i went off on him, told him that the one thing that i had asked of him was that if he decided that he was over our situation to not just stop talking to me…and that he had promised that he would never do that. he seemed confused, said he didn’t know what i was talking about and that he had never stopped talking to me, which is why he had been returning my calls and leaving voicemails.

i told him i was done, that he had been stringing me along, and that i had already told him all of this and that it had been my reason for wanting to talk. he said he didn’t realize my need to talk to him was such a pressing matter and that if i really needed to talk to him then i should’ve called him incessantly every day. i told him that i shouldn’t have to do that, if i tell you i need to talk to you then you should stop giving me bullshit excuses as to how/why you’re so busy bc no one is that busy.

then he started saying something about how he wanted our relationship to stop being so sexual since we never started off as friends, which is why he hadn’t been bbming me or skyping with me and only calling. he said he wanted us to be involved in each other’s lives on a more intimate and less sexual level, and that he wanted to talk to me every week on the phone and that he was sorry that he didn’t communicate all of this to me until now. HE JUST ASSUMED that after i visited him that i KNEW that we weren’t going to be together any time soon and that we would be friends and work toward a relationship in the future…UMMMM WHAT????? how does someone assume something like that?

somewhere in the midst of him saying stuff about sexual bbming/skyping, i absolutely lost my shit…said how dare he whittle our relationship down to seem like nothing and that he better not even try to deny that he had feelings for me since he told me he loved me after 5 months of our long distance situation. he said he wasn’t trying to deny it and that i knew how he felt and still feels about me, but since we can’t be together that we need to start from the bottom and work toward the top, and that if he were in boston there would be no question that he would be with me every minute possible.

there was a lot of screaming and tearing up and the whole thing was basically a load of bullshit. i don’t believe him, i didn’t get to say half the things that i wanted to say because i kind of expected him to just say that we would never be together and that he was over it. at the end of the convo we small-talked and then i told him i had to go…all while in the hallway of the ginger’s apartment building.

when i got back inside, the ginger didn’t seem very happy. i asked him if he was mad at me, and he said no. i asked him if he wanted to know what happened, and he said not really, but i debriefed him anyway. then he said that he thought that i had already had the conversation with him a while ago, and that it was strange that we had been dating for two months and that if i still hadn’t had the conversation with him that i should’ve let it go because it made him feel like a rebound.

ughhh i felt like such a total asshole. but i told him i couldn’t let it go, because i don’t let people who treat me like shit get away with it whether it’s in a friendship or a relationship. i told him that the only way that i get closure when someone treats me like shit is to let that person know that they’re a fucking douchebag and make them feel like the biggest asshole on the planet for fucking with me. it was awkward for a bit, but i assured him that i wouldn’t be with him if i didn’t 100% want to be…he said he knew.

the rest of the night and this morning were normal, but i still feel like an asshole. thoughts on everything?

Thursday is certainly no Friday.

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 11:10:01 -0400

Thursday is certainly no Friday.